Relationships Healing and Boundary’s. How to Heal.

This is a process for healing. Specifically healing a past relationship or encounter or meeting; that still, if you think about it has energy in the negative for you. In other words, it still hurts and you are still hurting. That hurt is a boundary.

Here is a formulaic way of letting all that go, so you can move on.

This is an admixture of body appreciation and wisdom. Incorporating ideas from Gestalt Therapy, Ken Wilber’s ‘No Boundary’ and a very deep sense of who you are, genuinely and acting from that center or gateless gate.

We begun at the TranceCafe The Newcastle NLP and Hypnotherapy Practice Group with a very simple exercise. Recount, tell your story about a very positive interaction with another person.

Following on from this we did a body scan. That is the well known and familiar re-direction of conscious attention into your body. The idea is to discover where and while you, as the scanner, feel positive and negative sensations. This can also be emotions though the accent is on sensations.

What we are attempting to do here is, from recalling a positive encounter with another person, what is happening, going on in your body. If you ever thought you were an island or other people don’t have an effect withing you – think again – or better … feel again. ‘Lose your mind and come to your senses’

Next we explored what kind of relationships we can have. Here is what was offered on the evening.


So you can see that Relationship, the word meaning comes in a lots of different and varied flavours. And that’s gona make a lots of sense. Specifically the ones you want to change inside and outside.

OK, here is the mostly main point. After sharing a positive interaction and doing a body scan. Do the almost opposite – after all that is what healing is about. Recall a negative, hurtful, harmful interaction with another person,

The way this is done is without sharing this with another person, Just remember, recall and relive this in your own reality-experience. Feel what you feel. I am assuming its not good, its not what you wanted, its what is still unresolved.

Once you have done that, excruciating as that may be, its done in the in the privacy of you. Once you have done that, do a body scan again and feel what is going on for you. And I mean really feel. Could be a surprise and this could be an announcement or an acknowledgement of your feelings. All of this is YOU-ANOTHER. Well kind of; Its Interdependence.

Having done all of that recollecting a negative interaction and noticed what you are feeling, it time to do some healing. Review that interaction and get precisely clear about your expectations. The kind of ethnomethodology of usually unspecified social interactions that show up by their lack pathos.

Getting precisely clear about your expectations that didn’t show up in that encounter, also get clear about the other half. What the person ( in your mind ) expected from you. Get clear about the emotion you feel now.

Directly express your emotion and expectations towards that other person. Yes, they are not there, but you can complete the Gestalt by having a real conversation with an imaginary person. Tell them directly what wasn’t there – your missing expectations and what you want, your expectations.

Finally, imagine being that other person and relate that mutual reality of listening and feeling those expectations and emotions. Come back to yourself and notice what you notice. What shifts in perceived boundary’s are there for you now?

NLP Practitioner Training in Newcastle upon Tyne nine days in August and over six months from January to June. Newcastle NLP Practice Group first Wednesday of the month, 7-9pm.

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